Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Some people always pay more!

".... I can't take it anymore. I am helpless. I am already crying here. I am in a lab. Don't say anymore ....", those were the messages on my chat screen at 3 AM in the morning. There was a momentary pause, before I replied anything back. I typed, "then just sit there and cry"!, hit enter and then watched the screen blankly, trying to analyze my action. I knew she must have been very close to me for me being able to type that, but WHY?!!!

Well the answer is that I actually didn't want her to continue to be on the wrong side, the side which always pays more. I realized this while chatting to her. She was being dumped after a two year courtship. The boy suddenly realized that he can't go against his mother. Thereby, he had given the conscent to his parents to go ahead and search alliances for him. Hmmm, common isn't it! Ya, but here are a few more details, the girl had fought for the same time with her parents. Trust me guys, if she would have given a go-ahead to her parents, there would be a bee-line for her. But then she couldn't bear to be anybody else's wife. When she confroned him with the question, "Do you understand how much this is going to hurt me?", he supposedly said that it is fine with him if her parents start finding alliances for her. Afterall, he was still trying. But his parents were about to meet her parents and formally put an end to their story.

Nothing very strange or unusual. I wasn't moved by the sequence of events at all. What troubled me was a set of questions. Why is it that she is suffering more? Is it because she chose to care mor efor him than anything else ? Does she care about her parents as much as he does for his? Does going against her parents hurt her as badly? Don't her parents have the same concerns and wishes from her as anybody else's parents? Havn't they been dreaming about her and her marriage since the day she smiled her way into their world a few decades back? Sadly, the answer was yes to me for all the questions. So she was paying more because she was ready to pay more. She was being forced to make a huge sacrifise because she was the only one who was ready to make it!

So for the next hour, I asked her to be selfish! Think and care about her and her parents! What advice was that?!!!!!!!!! But I chose it over soothing her, going to sleep and feeling good about it. Ofcourse, I could have come up with awesome lines and made her smile and giggle for the same time. But, then how long will that have helped her? Well, I think the maximum that it can last is till the next morning when she opened her eyes and took stalk of the world around her. So what's the point?! So I rather asked her to be strong and selfish. We literally screamed out her feelings, her pain, her anguish and then parted smiling. I hope that thought and that smile lasts her more than a night. I wish that new thoughts and smiles originate from this new channel of thoughts. I hope she never has to pay again, because of all people, she chooses herself to go through pain rather than anybody else!

I think that both of us changed during the course of that conversation. Both of us had atleast started thinking about paying less! And I am glad that this was the outcome!

P.S. I seek forgiveness from the guy and his parents. I know they would be going through tremendous amount of trauma. My intention was not to hurt them or anybody who has been in their position.

4 comments:

  1. i think, what you did, would really have helped her to a great extent, in living the life once again with happiness and success and all that, which would have been gone for quite some time. And, it's very true that "She was paying more because she was ready to pay more". I would say, sometimes (very few though) it's better to use brain over heart. Life goes on and some changes are inevitable. Once, we realize it (the inevitable changes), we should accept it with courage and move ahead. Who knows, there would be something great on the road ahead. Until we start walking again, we might miss which is on the way ahead. Gud luck!!!

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  2. Hmmm!!!!
    Before I write any thing let me clear one thing..I am no way related to this story or any thing like this i have ever experienced...this is just an impartial opinion to other side of story which was not touched by the author..
    Some how I don't agree with the heading "Some people always pay more!". I feel it depends how you r looking to it...Which side of story you are hearing...
    I will take this story as an example...
    We knew what's all happening to the girl...all the pain she is going through..so much of tension..and etc...
    HOW we all know this???
    because she is telling all these things and author is very close to that girl...
    Now my question is "How many people you will find who will tell exactly what going inside there heart"???
    Or do we know any body with whom the guy has shared his thoughts???
    I hope all the answers will come in negative.
    I feel this Guy must be wondering "Why I have to pay more".
    And suppose if he has not told any body..and kept all these things to himself..."Tab wo til til kar ke marr raha hoga". Which is much more than what girl has to pay... Am I Wrong??

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  3. Thanks Andy for this wonderful comment, as always!

    I agree with you completely, Andy. I have spoken to three people in the boy's position. To one, it was not face-to-face. But the other two couldnt finish their story. They cried half way through. And I am speaking of brazen soldiers who grew up in countries of turmoil. Their pain was more due to the fact that they caused somebody so close to them so much of pain!

    I agree that I have only presented one side of the coin. And my presentation of this lovestory is just metaphorical. You can apply it to any relationship or a situtation where you have to choose to hurt one side or the other. I just presented the state of the side you choose to hurt finally. I didnt speak of the pain you go through to arrive at that decision and the pain that you have to live with! Actually, I was about to write yet another blog on exactly this!!!

    Yaar, we both have been very lucky to have the kind of friends we have. I know of people who have entrusted in their friends only to be betrayed. We all have met or heard of people who have been wilfully manipulated and used! My blog is for them. That side which chose to care and ended up more hurt because they chose to care and feel more about hurting side!

    Regarding who has to pay more? Well, I wish one could quantify pain!!! But, I will still stick with the girl :)

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  4. And my post is about one more thing. I will actually qoute Kruthi, "screw those fake smiles" (and unwanted and unecessary condolences and words of wisdom)!

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